


ii. the baby has feelings

by alexlittleklc



Series: life of little!lix [2]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: ' ' is korean, Age Play, Age Regression/De-Aging, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Crying, Eating Disorders, Hickeys, I'm sorry :(, Kissing, M/M, Makeouts, Multi, Non-Sexual Age Play, Oh!!, Protective Hyungs, Yang Jeongin | I.N-centric, boys talk about living a doubled life, chan totally writes about how much he loves each boy in his journel, emotions are..semi bottled up, everyone is in an implied relationship, felix mentions that he thinks the boys only want him as a little, felix's parents hate being korean, homophobic parents, idk if that makes people uncomfortable but im tagging it anyway, it'll get explained more in pt. 2, it's implied in "i. 2:20 am', jeongin explains how he loves each boy, jeongin is very confused about his feelings for the boys, jisung touches on his struggle with one while jeongin is struggling with one currently, lying to parents, minho is only really mentioned, most of the boys are lying to their paretnts about their 1. sexuality 2. relationship status, not jeongin's but other boys, oh!, talk of the following >>>, the first scene is literally seungmin giving jisung hickeys, the rating is upped because there are now semi-sexy scenes here and there, there's seriously so much information in this one, this is...a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:35:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24106060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexlittleklc/pseuds/alexlittleklc
Summary: jeongin struggles with figuring out his true feelings for the rest of the boys.**TW: jeongin doesn't realize but he goes into two anxiety attacks. jisung also opens up about his past struggles with his eating disorder and diagnoses jeongin with one (as implied in i. 2:20 AM) please read with caution!! **
Relationships: Bang Chan/Han Jisung | Han, Everyone/Everyone, Han Jisung | Han/Kim Seungmin, Han Jisung | Han/Yang Jeongin | I.N, Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin, Kim Seungmin/Yang Jeongin | I.N, Kim Woojin/Yang Jeongin | I.N, Lee Felix/Yang Jeongin | I.N, OT9, Yang Jeongin | I.N/Everyone
Series: life of little!lix [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1222553
Comments: 7
Kudos: 115





	ii. the baby has feelings

**Author's Note:**

> this is so much info i hope y'all don't get overwhelmed!!!
> 
> AS STATED ABOVE THERE IS TALK OF EATING DISORDERS AND ANXIETY ATTACKS
> 
> i have decided to branch out in my writing and have started with writing some **sexy scenes** nothing too big in this one, just some friendly hickey action for my two favorite boys as of late
> 
> this is long overdue but i hope it's enough for you all!! <3
> 
> ALSO: this is part 1 of another one shot !! i will have it uploaded soon and will be sure to tag it in here for you guys to read!! 
> 
> enjoy my lovelies!! <3

seungmin shifts in jisung’s lap as he pulls back to kiss down his jaw. jisung laughs and runs a hand up his back, sighing contently. ‘minnie, you wanna go to the studio with me tonight?’

the current brunette pulls back and thinks for a second, wiping excess wetness from his lips. ‘depends. can we bring jeongin and felix? they wanted to hang with us.’

jisung laughs at the last part, ‘oh? is that why you came in here?’

the younger flushes slightly and nods, ‘so what? i was gonna ask you at some point. i just found a different priority when you took your shirt off.’

‘yeah, forgive me for wanting to change in MY room.’ seungmin shrugs and goes back to sucking a gentle hickey into the older’s collar bone. woojin’s old marks were fading and the younger just so happens to know jisung’s not-so-secret love of being marked up; so he took it upon himself to leave some more. 

sound of the door opening is ignored by the duo until jisung opens his eyes to see a slightly flushed jeongin. 

‘hey baby. what’s u-AH! min! that hurt.’ jisung pinches his side when he feels seungmin smirk against his right pec. he starts mentally preparing his next few outfits for their upcoming outings because surely the public will have something to say at the bite mark he now has blooming on the side of his neck. 

jeongin has looked away by now and busied himself by looking through his and jisung’s combined closet. the older tilts his head in thought as he watches the maknae shuffle through some of their shared hoodies. jeongin’s still very shy when it comes to intimacy with the other members. sure, there’d be a kiss or two here and there, but really nothing beyond that. 

not like any of them were complaining. the other boys were heavy on physical contact so it wasn’t like there was a shortage; but this wasn’t the first time jeongin had gotten all flustered around seeing intimacy. of course, it could just be because it’s not everyday that he walks into his own room to see his closest friend (boyfriend) casually marking up their hyung. 

it only took a couple weeks after their promotion ended for (most of) the members to settle into their new lifestyle. they all confessed to feelings that they had for each other and all agreed to try out a relationship. 

honestly, nothing really changed. they’d get up, do their work, and then go back to the dorm to sleep. kisses were shared here and there, sometimes boys would pair up for cuddle sessions, but besides that, things were normal. well, everything besides jeongin lack of participating in any of the intimacy.

seungmin had stopped leaving marks a while ago, now cuddling up to jisung’s side. ‘in-ahh, you alright?’ jeongin freezes for a split second before taking a hoodie off a hanger and slipping it on. he turns back around and sits on his bed, flashing a small smile, ‘yeah. just came in to get something warmer to wear. sorry for uh, interrupting.’ seungmin chuckles, pushing himself up to get off of jisung, ‘you know you can always join, right? you’re not interrupting anything.’ he clambers off the bed to sit next to jeongin and wrap an arm around him. jeongin’s shade of blush only turns darker when the older presses a soft kiss to his cheek. he waits until seungmin is done to whisper, ‘thanks hyung.’ and press a barely-there peck on his lips before standing up and moving to leave the room. 

‘jeongin, wait. do you wanna come to the studio with us tonight?’ the maknae replies with a short nod before leaving. 

jisung lowers his voice as he gets up, shuffling through his dresser to find a clean shirt, ‘somethings up with him, minnie. i think i’ll probably talk with him on the way-’

seungmin coughs to cut him off before speaking up, ‘his dad, uh, isn’t alright with this whole...guy thing.’ jisung turns and stares at him, eyes wide, ‘he told him?!’

‘no, no- god dammit hyung he’s not stupid! listen...i don’t know the whole story but from what jeongin has told me; he got caught doing _something_ with a friend back in middle school and basically had to promise his dad that he wouldn’t be with dudes.’ jisung cocks his head for a minute before slipping on a new shirt. he has so many questions but he sympathises with the already confused look on the almost maknae’s face and keeps them to himself. 

he stops for a second and thinks one couldn’t hurt, ‘how do you know this?’ 

seungmin flushes head to toe at this question, mumbling something very quietly. jisung leans forward with a slight grin after he catches a few key words, ‘what?’

‘we got drunk a couple months back. well, i got _him_ drunk because he was being an emotionally constipated teen and he needed to let go for at least a night. i didn’t plan on him breaking down and telling me all this shit. but...yeah, it makes sense with the way he’s acting.’ jisung rolls his eyes at the confession and ruffles seungmin’s hair, leaning down to press an exaggerated kiss against his lips. 

the couple chuckle at the obnoxious noise it makes and pull back. ‘you’re lucky it’s me finding out and not chan hyung or woojin hyung. i’m the best boyfriend so i won’t tell them anything.’ seungmin chuckles and nods along, happy to feed the older’s ego if it means keeping jeongin and his secret between them. the younger doesn’t even remember that night so the less people that know the better. 

‘it just...it makes no sense to me, y’know? it’s not harming you at all - why are you making him suppress who he really is?! you’re doing nothing but hurting your own son.’ jisung sighs and rubs seungmin’s arms. he attempts to kiss the pout away but fails in the end, settling down on his knees so he can hug his seated boyfriend. jisung would be lying if he said he wasn’t proud of the youngest. at least jeongin wasn’t lying to his parents or living a double life like most of the other members were! just last week, jisung was talking with changbin about how tolling it can get to keep this big of a secret for their parents. the only thing that made jisung keep up the lie was knowing how worst it would be if they knew the truth. at least now he’s able to see his parents and older brother and accept that they’re proud of him. if they knew about this - _no_ \- if they knew he was even _slightly gay_ , it’d all be over. he couldn’t live with that, at least not right now. 

‘baby, sometimes they’re scared of the backlash. some parents would rather die than see their children hurt and here - in korea, i mean - if you’re even slightly different, you’re going to get chewed up and spit out by society. maybe jeongin’s dad is scared and doesn’t want him hurt. sometimes it’s not all bible bullshit.’ seungmin ignores the venom behind jisung’s words at the last sentence and sighs. he stands up and quickly grabs the older before he falls over, chuckling softly. it still made no sense to him, but he could admit that jisung’s statement made him feel a bit better. 

‘maybe.’ 

jisung presses a kiss to the crown of his head before pulling them toward the door. 

‘what’re we doing now?’ 

‘well, i don’t know about you, but i’m hungry. you up for begging hyunjin to buy us food?’ seungmin nods before he pulls the door open, already raising his voice in pitch as he calls for his hyung cutely. 

hyunjin pops his head out of the kitchen with raised eyebrows. 

‘what’s up, min?’ seungmin flails himself straight into the dancers arms and sighs contently when he receives a hug back. 

‘i’m hungryyyyy.’ he shakes the older slightly as he whines, looking up with puppy-dog eyes. 

jisung chuckles at the scene as he arrives behind the whiney boy. hyunjin blinks at the obvious bite mark and chuckles, ‘i don’t see why. it looks like you already tried eating jisung.’ hyunjin laughs when he feels seungmin blush and pulls away, walking back into their small kitchen. 

chan greets the trio with a short smile, going back to quickly jotting things down in his journal. jisung jogs up to the kitchen table and plants a shameless kiss against his lips. chan kisses back with a smile before he ghosts his hand over the younger’s arms, causing jisung to flinch and pull back from the weird angle. he giggles at the movement before whispering, “love you, sung.” 

“love you too.” is always jisung’s reply because he always will. he looks back at the couple to see hyunjin mumbling about certain foods and seungmin eagerly tapping away at the older’s phone. guess he got hyunjin to buy afterall. 

jisung finally remembers to ask felix around 8pm if he wanted to tag along to the studio. he catches him just in time, the younger was on his way to get ready for bed. 

felix smiles, hand cupping jisung’s hip from when the older had run up to him. ‘yeah, i’d love to! are we leaving now?’ 

‘yeah. min and in are coming as well. sorry for not asking earlier, min got me distracted.’ felix smirks slightly as he leans up to peck at the bite mark, ‘i see that. it’s not a big deal, let me grab a coat and get shoes and we can go.’ 

the four boys bid goodnight to changbin (who looks seconds away from passing out on the couch), thank hyunjin for dinner (the three older boys fight over the single kiss he blew before he walks over and plants a soft one against jeongin’s temple), and promise chan that they’ll be safe and won’t stay out too late. chan looks pointedly at jisung when he states the latter. the rapper smiles at the laughs he recieves when he replies with, ‘i promise not to stay out late...mom.’ he quickly pushes the others out the door when he catches chan’s face at the quip, however. 

they laugh as they all walk to the studio. jeongin happily allows felix to wrap around him as the temperature drops and he can’t help but wish the older was in his little space. he quickly stops the thought - apparently stopping in real life as well which almost makes felix and him fall over. 

felix chuckles lightly, ‘woah, you alright, baby?’ 

jeongin flushes as he continues walking, loosely playing with the australian’s fingers, ‘yeah. just need to get out of my own head.’ 

felix gives him a tight squeeze at the concerning comment, opting to ignore it because he knows the younger would continue if the issue was of pressing matter. they stop at a convenience store along the way to grab snacks before finishing the rest of the short walk to the studio. 

jisung pulls his mask down as he smiles at the security guard. he makes small conversation as he quickly signs all the boys into his usual studio. he chuckles at the joke the older man makes before motioning the boys to come closer to the desk. they allow their temperature to be taken before jisung bids the man goodnight and leads them up to his studio. 

the oldest smiles as the trio make themselves comfortable on the furniture. he ruffles the youngest hair as he digs through the bag to pull out some candy for him. ‘ah, hyung, i’m not really hungry-’ 

‘please. for hyung?’ jeongin had barely touched his dinner. he ate the veggies and only accepted a couple bites of meat from woojin after the oldest had pleaded multiple times. they all noticed the weight the younger was dropping and it concerned all of them, jisung especially.

the rest of the boys thought his antics would stop after the hospital visit, but jisung knew better. he remembers going through the same thing; thinking he was being so sneaky and hiding it so well. he remembers feeling happy when the weight would drop but feeling exhausted after only an hour of practice. it was a constant tug of war but he had found a method after a while; eat very little and very light and drink _shit tons_ of water. 

same exact thing that jeongin has been doing as of late. it scared the shit out of him and jisung was damned if he wasn’t going to find a way to stop it. 

jeongin sighs at the pleading look in the older’s eyes before he takes the candy, pressing a soft kiss to jisung’s cheek to calm his worries. the older grins at the sign of affection before walking to his chair and booting up his computer. he slips on his headphones and, with a quick glance at the framed photo of all of them during movie night when they’d first debuted, he begins working. 

it’s later, when seungmin is giving him a massage, that jeongin thinks again of asking the older to slip. he thinks heavily about this because he knows - everyone knows - how much a pleaser felix is. he will do probably _anything_ to make someone happy and all jeongin had to do was ask nicely if his oh-so-lovely boyfriend would slip for a bit to help him calm down. but that’s just it - it would be for nothing but jeongin’s own benefit. 

felix hadn’t been trying to make it obvious, but jeongin knew that he was getting fed up with slipping all the time for the other members. with quarantine putting them all at a slight stand still, felix was getting asked more and more by the other members if he would slip for a bit. so much so that at times, it made felix feel like that’s all he was wanted for. 

these last couple times, however, it had taken felix much too long to get himself into his headspace. he had even had to walk away from the boys this last time in order to force himself into it. he knew it wasn't the best of ideas because he didn’t even make it through a full movie before he blinked and was hit with this intense, skull vibrating headache. minho had tried to coach him through it since he was the closest hyung, but felix had only begged them all to leave him alone so he could get through it. the next day, when changbin had tried to bring it up during breakfast, felix had only asked for it to be forgotten. it took a lot of convincing before everyone was on board, but in the end they all agreed to forget it. that had only been last week. 

‘jeongin.’ 

‘yeah, hyung?’ 

he feels a slight peck at his temple before seungmin’s voice is next to his ear, ‘get out of your head. relax. hyung’s got you.’ he knows that was aimed to get him to calm down, but it does the opposite. he would love to just lean back and let seungmin hold him (god that sounded like heaven) but he’s hit with a wave of anxiety and sudden urge voice in his head screaming NO repeatedly. the feeling isn’t new at all - actually - it’s quite familiar. 

the night they all joined together in changbin’s room to meet baby lix - he was all about it. he loved his little baby and was so ready to spoil him now that everyone knew. what he wasn’t ready for; was the sudden change that _oh, look at that, we’re all dating now._

don’t get him wrong - he loves his hyungs.

he loves the way woojin checks up on him at random times and brings him snacks to make sure he’s eating. 

he loves the way chan snuggles with him on nights when he’s homesick.

he loves that minho stays up late with him and teaches him new dance moves, always taking him out for something sweet after. 

he loves when changbin teases him and helps him pick out new outfits. 

he loves hyunjin picking him up and spinning him around so fast that he feels sick but he always laughs loud to match the pitch of his hyung. 

he loves that jisung always invites him to the studio and helps him sneak back in when they would break curfew.

he loves when felix would just climb down from his bunk and invade jeongin’s, insisting on cuddles. 

he loves seungmin’s constant touching and poking and bickering because it reminds him of his brother and that makes him feel at home. 

when they got back to the dorm and the conversation was brought up, it made jeongin think hard. because, yes, he loves his hyungs a lot. each moment with them is precious and he cares about each of them deeply. he never thought of it on a relationship level, though. (his dad’s speech would get in his head so fast and cut off anything after that)

if you were to ask him to recount the conversation the others had he couldn’t tell you anything, he was too busy thinking of every moment he had with each of his hyungs, overanalyzing everything he felt. he forced his dad’s speech out of his head for the next hour, allowing himself to think back to old moments and just... _feel._

he remembered flushing head to toe during a practice when woojin complimented him on his muscles. it could’ve been brushed off but then the oldest insisted on feeling them, giving jeongin a slight pinch on the butt when he was done. he pressed a quick peck to his cheek before telling him to get this things so they could go. the squeeze his heart did in that moment - that was most certainly not platonic. 

he remembered how his heart sped up one night when jeongin had cried his eyes out to chan, sobbing about how all he wanted was a break to see family. chan had held him close, pressed his lips against his cheek, and mumbled, ‘we’ll always be your home innie.’ cuddle sessions felt different after that. 

he remembered falling to his knees, covered in sweat, during a late night practice with minho. the older had started laughing hysterically (probably because of sleep deprivation) as he pulled the youngest’s shirt off him. jeongin had let him, too tired to whine about the heat when he was pulled flush against minho’s bare chest. minho had calmed down and pressed multiple kisses to the top of jeongin’s head. later that night, when minho carried him home, jeongin couldn’t help but wish all practices ended like that. 

he remembered how tense the air got one night when hyunjin had pinned him down after a wrestling match. the older had laughed it off and pressed a kiss to his forehead in hopes of breaking the tension, running off with the idea that jeongin would follow behind him. instead, the youngest laid flat on his bedroom carpet, millions of thoughts running through his head of what else could’ve happened if he didn’t hesitate. 

he remembered how they were running late to something and changbin had literally run into his room and pulled his clothes off. jeongin was flustered head to toe as the older dressed him like a child and shoved him out the door after smacking his butt. he learned to lay his clothes out the night prior after that.

he remembered how jisung called him over one night in the studio. all he had been doing was refreshing a game he had on his phone so he turned it off and walked over. he didn’t expect jisung to pull him onto his lap and then continue to ignore him as he went back to work. they stayed like that for the rest of the night, jeongin curled against his chest. he learned to keep his distance when talking with his hyungs after that. 

he remembered felix falling asleep on complete accident in jeongin’s bunk. jeongin had calmed his heart and leaned into the touch - his heart picking up speed when felix gave him a squeeze to get him closer. when he couldn’t calm down he woke the older up, apologizing before asking him to go back to his own bed. their cuddle sessions weren’t so frequent after that. 

he remembered how upset seungmin got after jeongin had shoved him away after an interview. none of the other hyungs had managed to cheer him up so finally after dinner, jeongin snuck his way into seungmin’s room. he had apologized after he found out he was the reason and when seungmin pulled him into a tight hug, the urgent feeling of _i’m never going to be the reason your upset again_ crossed his mind at lightning speed. it was later, once the older had fallen asleep, that jeongin had peeled himself out of the embrace and snuck back to his own room. 

he leans out of seungmin’s touch completely as he squeezes his eyes shut and tries to calm his breathing ( _he didn’t even know it sped up?_ ) his chest is aching and his head is starting to hurt and _god of course_ now there’s tears. he doesn’t know, even now, if what he feels is love. all he knows is he wants them. all of them. 

felix looks up from his phone as he hears movement and pops up with concern as he watches the youngest. seungmin holds his hand out to get the aussie to stop, instead motioning for him to get jisung. (yes, he knew the oldest was in his work zone and while he would love to not bother him, he’s 95% sure this is going to end in a breakdown and jisung is going to beat himself up completely if he isn’t there to help jeongin)

jeongin starts sobbing as his anxiety gets the best of him, covering his mouth as he starts to curl into himself. he stops, however, when nausea decides to join the party. 

jisung jumps slightly when felix taps his shoulders. he pauses something on the screen and is about to fix the younger with a look before he hears the quiet sobbing. he slips his headphones off and sets them on the desk, face falling in concern when the sobs get louder. he takes felix’s hand and guides him to the youngest, crouching down in front of him. 

‘jeonginnie, deep breaths. we’re right here.’ he reaches out carefully, slightly shaking, as he sets his hand on the youngest’s knee. jeongin allows it, needing something to ground himself as everything starts feeling too intense. seungmin takes this time to slowly move closer, gasping when the younger just falls into his arms, nails clutching at his hoodie as he sobs. 

it takes a while, but they manage to calm jeongin down with soothing words and light touches. tears are still falling down his cheeks now and then but he isn’t clutching so tightly to seungmin anymore. he lazily is pressing half his face against his shoulder, basking in the warmth as his brain recovers from the overwhelming emotions he just put it through. 

felix gulps, ‘jeonginnie? are you ready to talk about things?’ jeongin nods small, trying his hardest to crack a smile for his hyung. felix appreciates it, pressing a soft kiss to the younger’s knuckles. 

‘what got you so upset, love? has it...has it been because of us? since we’re all dating now?’ felix raises his brows as jisung questions the maknae but seungmin sends him a look. felix nods slightly and waits patiently for jeongin to answer. 

‘yeah. it’s been ‘fusing. i don’t know how i feel.’ 

‘about us?’ jeongin nods again. 

‘...do you want us-’ 

‘of course, i do!’ jeongin sits up slowly, blinking away the stray tears, ‘i know that for sure. i want all of you. it’s just…’ 

‘jeongin. is it..is it because of your parents?’ seungmin snaps his head toward felix because no, no - there’s no way felix could know-

‘yeah. mostly my dad.’ 

‘y’know, my parents don’t know. and honestly, i don’t think they ever will. growing up, since all i had were sisters, my mom used to tell me - at like six years old - that i couldn’t be gay. i didn’t even know what it meant but when i found out i was bi...well, i just knew i couldn’t tell them. i shut my mouth up, packed my bags, and flew here. i haven’t talked to them sense.’ 

jeongin locks eyes with felix and starts crying softly again because, _god_ , felix doesn’t deserve that. the poor boy was born korean in a family that didn’t even want him to be korean. he remembers the horror stories of felix explaining how his parents were ashamed of korea and its culture, how they moved to australia and when they had kids it was outlawed in their household. no speaking korean, no eating korean foods, no contact with any family members who only spoke korean. felix had even explained that his dad had to come into school and explain to them how none of the lees could do culture projects. 

he remembers how felix teared up one night with all of them and just flat out said, ‘i didn’t know who i was. i couldn’t sit with the asians because i didn’t know anything about being asian, i couldn’t sit with the sporties because my parents were paranoid of me even finding friends that were of korean descent. it was just my sisters and i. it fucking sucked. i lied about auditioning and when my parents found out, i had already given my sisters my new phone number and was on a plane here. i was just...done being lied to.’

felix raises himself on his knees and makes jeongin look at him again. ‘please don’t cry, in. i know it’s sad but i’m fine with it. i deal with it, baby, it’s just life. i can help you figure out things you just..you gotta tell me.’ 

jeongin curls himself into seungmin’s side as he debates. it really isn’t a debate; he’s going to tell the boys one way or another, he just has to calm down first. 

he sighs a couple minutes later, leaning fully into seungmin’s side. he might act like he hates it, but really he loves being the maknae. knowing his hyungs are always there to lend a ear or just hold him means a lot and it’s not something he takes lightly. these boys; they mean the world to him. 

‘we’re ready to listen when you’re ready, baby.’ seungmin presses a soft kiss to the top of his head. it makes jeongin blush lightly and clear his throat, sitting up just a bit. felix and jisung both mimic him to show that they are ready to listen. it calms him down..a bit.

he sucks in a breath, ‘before i was a trainee, i had a friend named kim minjun. he was questioning and - i was afraid to admit it at the time - but so was i. we had a mutual agreement going on; we’d pretty much act like boyfriends but not put a label on it. just to see if it felt right.’ jisung reaches forward and grabs his hand, nodding for him to go on. he sighs as his heart picks up a bit in speed, ‘my dad walked in on us making out.’ the flush spreads across his face as he looks down in shame.

he remembers vividly; his dad always greeted him and his brothers as soon as he got off work. they had a strict open door policy but jeongin thought he’d get away with it seeing as 1) his mom was out with friends and 2) his brothers always did the same when their parents were out so he didn’t need to worry about getting tattled on. in reality, though, he missed the text his hyung sent his way about dad almost being home and hadn’t had time to open the door (he was a bit too preoccupied with the fact that junnie got a new chapstick and _holy shit it tasted exactly like peaches_ ) 

_‘jeongin-ah, why is you’re door closed? you know the-Jeongin.’ the boys had broken apart as soon as they heard the door knob turn but it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what they were doing. minjun’s hands started shaking and, instinctively, jeongin reached out for them. the older shook his head lightly as he slid off of jeongin’s bed to stand. ‘i..i think i should leave. call me when you can, jeongin.’ the last part is whispered to the pale boy as minjun grabbed his blazer. ‘i’ll walk you out, minjun-ah.’ jeongin’s dad sets a hand on the 15 year old’s shoulder and walks him to the door, bidding him a goodnight. when he returns he shuts the door and walks over to sit on the edge of his son’s bed._

_‘do you need time to clean up or are you ready to talk?’_

_jeongin’s eyes are teary when he meets his dad’s, ‘dad, i’m so sorry! i’ll explain it all-’ he stops when his dad holds up a hand._

_‘i asked a question. please, answer it, baby.’ the nickname makes jeongin’s eyebrows furrow; he hadn’t been called that since he was the actual baby of the family. his dad isn’t giving any sign of how he’s actually feeling and it’s making jeongin feel sick._

_‘i-...can i take a shower?’ his dad nods and stands, ‘we’ll talk when you’re out.’_

‘innie…..innie!’ jisung is right in front of his face as he zones back in. there are tears falling down his cheeks and when he breathes in, it’s shaky. he looks around to meet the concerned eyes of his hyungs, all staring right at him. he clutches at jisung’s arms and sobs, trying to piece together what just happened. 

‘you zoned out, in. we thought you were just thinking but you weren’t responding for a while. we got scared. are you alright?’ jeongin appreciates as felix gently squeezes his thigh. he nods as he slows the tears and - tries - to regulate his breathing. he hadn’t thought back to that memory in a while and the fact that he was thrown so deeply into it scares him. he remembers his dad exact facial expression and the whole entire conversation that followed his shower- oh. that’s right. he has to finish explaining things to his hyungs. 

it takes a bit but after jisung puts on some quiet music and moves to hold jeongin’s hands, the youngest calms himself down. ‘after my dad found out he was...i don’t know. he wasn’t showing emotions clearly. he just kinda looked like he was thinking, honestly. anyway, the first thing he asked was if i had any feelings toward minjun. i wasn’t sure at the time but i was very much more afraid of what my dad would say so i told him that i was just helping minjun figure things out. i begged him not to get angry or, _god_ , tell minjun’s parents,’ jeongin is hit with the same wave of stress he remembers feeling in that moment. he sucks in a deep breath and reminds himself that minjun is fine, happily living with his longtime boyfriend in degu, before continuing, ‘my dad went into this rant about how he’d never do something like that and my stress just kept building and building and he kept talking and talking,’ he pauses, takes another deep breath, ‘i finally shut him up by asking if he hated me.’ 

seungmin looks shocked as he tries to sort though this new found information. felix flicks his shin gently and seungmin zones back in, listening as the youngest continues quietly. 

‘it was the first time his expression was clear. he looked hurt. he took me into his arms like when i was a child and said ‘i could never hate you, jeongin. never, ever, ever. you can’t control who you are or who you love and i want you to understand that.’ i was just...so confused. if he didn’t hate me - than what was it? he finally told me about how he...he did the same thing with some of his friends when he was young-’

the other males in the room gasp, jisung’s mouth hanging open in surprise. 

‘and that one friend ended up catching feelings for him. the friend didn’t tell him until it had been a couple years and...my dad teared up when he was explaining. i had never seen my dad so upset and it was scary. but he told me that the feeling he felt when he had to explain to his friend that he didn’t feel the same, it crushed him. they had agreed to stop everything and they said they’d still be friends but...it wasn’t the same after that. my dad told me that he lost a really close friend that day and that he never wanted me to feel the same. he made me promise him,’ jeongin’s heart was in his throat. this next part was something he thought of daily. it felt weird to finally state it out loud, ‘that i never lead someone on. that i never push feelings onto someone without intention because, can you believe it, my dad thought it was all his fault?! it just...he made me promise that i make sure i’m aware of my feelings before i agree to relationships.’ 

he looks around at the boys, voice heavy, ‘that’s why i’m struggling. every time i think that you guys love me…’ 

seungmin finishes his sentence, his eyes glued to the opposite wall at the realization, ‘you second guess yourself and think that it’s what you want to believe.’ 

jeongin nods, swallowing hard. he gasps when he blinks and all of the sudden he has a lapful of felix. felix, who’s bending down and capturing his lips in a heavy kiss, fingers curling into his hair and tears falling down his cheeks. as much as he wants to think the next moments go smoothly - they do not. despite not being new to the kissing concept, he’s new to kissing his _boyfriends_ and he has no idea where to put his hands or how much he should move. he does know how to kiss back, which is exactly what he does on instinct, trying to convey his emotions right back to felix. 

when the older pulls back to take a gasp for air and rub his tears away, he sniffles as he says, ‘i love you so much jeongin. i know we all do. please - _please_ \- don’t think for a second that all eight of us are not head over heels in love with you. we are. i promise.’ jeongin is still trying to catch his breath when he realizes how much felix is shaking. his poor baby - with everything finally being revealed, felix was more than likely trying to control his stress levels and be there for jeongin. 

jeongin looks to his side only to be captured in another kiss. seungmin pulls back just as quick, however, smiling brightly. ‘he’s right, innie. we love you soso much.’ jisung squeezes his knee in agreement, reaching up to rub at felix’s back. 

it’s about now that jeongin realizes that jisung had his phone in his lap the whole time. ‘sungie-hyung?’ 

jisung looks up, eyes bright, ‘yeah, baby?’ 

‘why do you have your phone?’ 

jisung looks down, laugh filling the room. ‘right! i recorded your little speech thing for the hyungs back home. i figured you wouldn’t want to explain it all again. i’m more than likely going to play it for them once we get home because i’m sending you straight to bed. you deserve some rest.’ 

felix pipes up, voice shaking a bit, ‘changbin-hyung is asleep.’ 

jisung makes a face, ‘so? i’ll wake his ass up so he can listen. our baby has been through too much for him to just wait to the morning. he knows how to wake up.’ the boys laugh as the tension fades away. 

jeongin turns his attention back onto the boy in his lap. ‘hyung. are you alright?’ felix flushes and nods, blinking a couple times. ‘are you sure? do you need to slip?’ 

seungmin and jisung are at attention when they hear those words. felix blushes heavily at how easily the word ‘please’ falls from his mouth. it almost sounded erotic, if it wasn’t for seungmin’s giggle that followed shortly after it. 

‘baby~ if you knew you needed to, why didn’t you speak up?’

felix blinks, ‘we were focusing on jeongin. he needed comfort. i could wait.’ 

jeongin smiles and presses a kiss to his nose, ‘thanks for waiting lixie, but you can let go now. we got you.’

**Author's Note:**

> sorry to leave y'all like this but i will have part 2 released soon!! 
> 
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